The rain started earlier this morning. The aroma of hot tea with honey and lemon wafted upward. I became aware of the pitter patter of sounds tapping on the window in front of me. Rain popped into the thoughts swirling through and within a mind. Where was I ? Was I watching the thoughts or were I the thoughts? Did the thoughts make up me? At the time they were in awareness?
I decided to sit quietly and just watch. “Interesting” came up as the next thought. Then pitter patter again, then snow flakes building bridges on the outer panes of glass of the window. Wait I am in Florida. The image of snow was a vivid return of an experience of waiting happily in anticipation of going outside to play in the snow. Soon.
Writing this right now I have slipped into a state of utter calm. The thought of happily waiting in anticipation was the precise opposite of the recent waiting with rushed anxiety for a wanted email to finally arrive. Even now I can feel a twinge of that rushed waiting replacing and pushing out the calm.
Shall I allow the twinge to run its course or possibly resist and push back the calm? Can I really do either?
With that question I became paralyzed, numb and thought stood still. Frozen like a deer caught in the headlight of not knowing.
And then I realized I had stopped breathing.
Returning my attention to a pleasant slow in-breath a trickle of thought with an answer returned. “Let it be”.
One thought after the other flowing by like the cars of an endless train. Each thought coming from the one before and leading into the one after. Try to grab onto one and it creates a train wreck as the cars behind plow into it. Confusion, chaos and bewilderment ensue.
Why not just sit back and enjoy the view. Stop trying to steer the train when it is already on a track. Do not reduce everything into a comfortable secure fact. Sit back and allow the mystery to be the driver. Thoughts are merely the interesting scenery to watch as you ride the train along the days of your life.