With a little help from my friends
Frustration morphed into self soothing bliss.
I called a reputable company to review a canceled automatic ACH payment and request a refund for an withdrawal they made after the request was sent to them. They acknowledged the request and stated they would return an amount that was less than the ACH. I told them they had an incorrect amount. They stated they did not and the difference was most likely due to fraud at the bank. Somehow without conscious control of my response I heard myself saying perhaps they did not have the correct account. They insisted that it was my bank that was illegally reporting the incorrect withdrawal. Although my mind was screaming within me my voice was calmly saying I would check with the bank. I did consider the possibility that an error was possible as there were three monthly payments being made in varying ways to this company.
A thorough review showed me where the company was wrong and how they might have just “looked at the wrong account.” They did return the correct amount. I will see next month if the ACH is no longer active.
Avenues of frustration
Some hours after the initial phone call when I had free time I sat down. Thoughts and feelings arose related to the telephone call and the irritation I felt being told my bank was committing fraud. My bank is an extension of me as well as my daughter’s dog Austen.
I sat and watched/felt the frustration come back into my awareness. First there was me. And outside of me there was everything else in the world. A small view but a starting point. What was me? I am or have a physical body. How do I know this? What is my experience of my body? My body, me, is a composite of my physicality, my thoughts, emotions, feelings, strength, awareness, consciousness and ethereal spirit. But what is my actual experience? What are the layers or avenues of my experience of this composite?
Avenues of experience of a composite me
Body – I am, me, myself, I
Sensations – right now
Pressure on the back of my thighs, pressure on the bottom of my left foot and the front of my right ankle. Sounds. Wetness in my mouth. Fortunately no back pain at this moment.
I recall that I had some power to abate my usual reaction to frustration of lashing out. Perhaps I had some compassion for the worker I was speaking with as well as for myself. Some of this came from the possibility that the worker might not be entirely wrong. And that it was more of her attitude and demeanor that set me off. I realized that I had the power at times to turn on or off my level of affrontedness.
Rising to my heart center I sensed compassion, warmth and gratitude. This expanded beyond myself and an interest on how I might communicate it. A natural segue into my chakra of communication.
I started to feel empowered and joyful as thoughts raced around in my head and heart. Images forming sketches and words linked themselves into a moving force that started my fingers moving over the keyboard.
I sensed an insight into the shifting waves of experience as though they were desert sands in a wind storm. They are blown by an unknown force and form new patterns that can be seen in the light of day.
Wisps of onion skin knowledge flashed through my senses leaving a crisp but thin transparent window to see into myself. I was returning back into me. A composite of my layers of “sand.”
A hole opened through the clouds of me and I could see/feel the bliss that is always there ready to meet with a cup of peace.
Take a moment.